


You can't park space ships in the cow field. We have a sign.

by SunflowerSupreme



Series: Clint's Home for Vacationing & Retired Superheroes [2]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Clint has to put up signs with the rules on them, Gen, Yondu turns purple when he blushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 07:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerSupreme/pseuds/SunflowerSupreme
Summary: They do. Laura made Yondu and Peter hang it up after they broke that rule one too many times.Stakar just wants Yondu to stop dropping off the radar and start answering his calls.





	You can't park space ships in the cow field. We have a sign.

“What are you doing!?” Clint shouted, stomping out across the cow field. _It was too fucking early for this_ , he thought bitterly. “You can’t park spaceships in the cow field!” He wasn’t even sure who the man was - he’d given up asking for IDs after the Guardians had shown up with a talking raccoon, a tree that sort of talked, and some blue alien asshole. As long as the visitor didn’t immediately pull a gun (or magic arrow or any other bullshit) he let them be. “We have a sign!” he pointed to said sign which stuck out of the ground at an awkward angle after Laura had forced Yondu and Peter to put it up.

For his part, the space alien seemed unperturbed, looking at the sign with a raised eyebrow.“You must be Clint Barton.”

“You’re scaring my cows.”

The alien gave him another unimpressed look, then fidgeted with something on his wrist. As though ordered the alien craft behind him lifted off the cow field and zipped off into the sky.

“SHIELD’s gonna be up my ass again,” Clint grumbled.

“Stakar!” Clint turned just in time to see Yondu striding toward him, although when the alien thumped his chest and inclined his head in what seemed to be a gesture of respect he almost did a double take.

“Gramps!” Peter shouted, bouncing behind Yondu. _Two kinds of people_.

“I am Groot!” Alright, three kinds of people, if one counted the tree as a people.

“Something happen?” Yondu asked, his breathing heavy as though he had run from inside the house. As the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy filed out behind them Clint inwardly groaned. Even though no one was treating this Stakar character as an immediate threat, they certainly were treating his presence as such.

“So, uh, do I need to add _no getting involved in intergalactic conflicts while on my lawn_ to the rules?” Ignored. Again. As usual.

“You dropped off the radar,” Stakar informed Yondu, eyes slightly narrowed.

The blue man bristled. “Off da rader?” he spluttered, “What am I, a brat ya gotta keep an eye on?”

Stakar scowled. Clint wondered if he was ever happy. “Last time you were off radar you nearly died after blowing up a planet.”

 _What now?_ Clint narrowed his eyes at his guests, wondering what planet they had blown up and why and if Earth was next. “You blew up a planet?”

“It was my dad,” Peter said, as though that explained everything. “He was a jackass."

“Ya wasn’t even talkin’ ta me when that happened!” Yondu argued.

“I thought we had moved past that!”

“Ya tried to give me a Ravager funeral and I weren’t even dead!”

Rocket scurried up to them, sniggering at their argument but keeping most of his attention on Clint. “You gonna need help with that addition you were talking about? Cuz if Stakar’s found you then Aleta ain’t far behind.”

He didn’t even care who this Aleta person was. Instead, Clint just nodded numbly, not even reacting when Rocket continued, “Cuz I got some spare parts off the Milano that I think we could use for something _fun_.”

Of course, Yondu and Stakar were still at it, completely oblivious to the conversation beside them (or the fact that it looked like Peter had just placed a bet with Drax). “You can’t just keep disappearing all the time!”

“Why not!”

“You just can’t!”

“Breakfast is ready!” They all turned at the shout from the house, to see Laura standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

“I am Groot!”

“You can’t have candy for breakfast,” she scolded. “I don’t care what Peter gives you, he’s hardly parent material himself.”

“Hey!” Peter yelped. Yondu sniggered, but the younger man turned on him, saying, “Well then it’s your fault for being a shitty example!”

“Me?” Yondu batted his eyes. “What did I do?”

“You threatened to eat me!”

Oh not again. Clint looked at the newest addition to his collection of aliens. “You’re welcome to come.”

“Thank you.”

They left Yondu and Peter arguing in the yard. On the porch, Laura smiled and held out her hand to Stakar. “You must be Stakar.”

Clint gaped. Stakar took her hand like a perfect gentleman. “I’m afraid I don’t know your name, miss?”

“Laura Barton. I’m Clint’s wife.”

“How do you know him?” Clint hissed as Stakar entered the house.

She grinned as she followed him. “Quill talks a lot.”

Eventually, they found out Peter won the bet. Drax had thought that Stakar was going to start a fight (he seemed more disappointed that no one had fought than that he had lost his bet). Clint hoped he never met Thor or a hulked out Banner. 

* * *

 

“Alright,” Clint said, once they were more or less all gathered around the table (Rocket and Groot were lost causes, neither of them believed in tables. Groot was in the window and Rocket was on top of the fridge). “I’m lost.”

“We know,” Gamora promised.

He pointed at Peter with his fork, the pancake on the tip wobbling and threatening to fall off. “His dad.”

“Ego,” Mantis supplied helpfully, her antenna bobbing.

“I thought it was him.” Clint pointed to Yondu.

For a moment there was silence. Then Yondu’s face became oddly contorted and Stakar hid a snort of laughter in his coffee. Peter didn’t even try to hide his laughter, although his amusement seemed to have more to do with Yondu’s face which was steadily turning purple.

“Oh for the last time!” Rocket shouted, nearly throwing his bowl of dry cereal in frustration. “One’s blue!”

“They look exactly alike,” Drax supplied eagerly. “I myself was confused, but Quill explained that Yondu is not his father, he is merely _the asshole that abducted him and kicked the shit out of him_.”

“Peter’s father is Ego,” Mantis explained. “He takes the form of a planet. Yondu raised him.”

Clint was still processing. “Planets don’t have dicks?” was the best he could manage. He looked at Peter. “How?”

Rocket laughed so hard he sat his bowl aside and clutches the fridge for support. “Oh for the love of-” Peter threw his hands up. “Can we stop talking about my dad’s penis!”

“It is very impressive.” Drax nodded solemnly. Peter spluttered at him indignantly. Stakar was no longer able to hide his amusement after Yondu burst out laughing as well.

Clint honestly had no idea what was happening in his house anymore. But at least his wife looked as lost as him for once. “Just no eating each other in the house,” he managed, resolving to put another sign (on the fridge).

* * *

 The next morning Clint woke to find an angry dark-haired woman (who had the good manners not to park in his cow field) glaring at the new sign which read, _This Lawn is an Intergalactic Conflict Free Zone_.

“You must be Aleta.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Peter thinks he can win every argument with “you threatened to eat me” and Yondu’s not impressed.
> 
> Now I’m imagining Rocket sending Stakar a message explaining how cool Yondu was at the end and how he’s probably gonna die and so Stakar shows up to do the funeral and Rocket has to radio him and be like “hey, funny story, your blue friend is a real stubborn asshole and he’s not actually dead yet.” Stakar can’t decide if he’s gonna celebrate or kill Yondu himself.
> 
> I may do a chapter two with Aleta's arrival. 
> 
> Suggest rules for Clint to make signs for and I’ll try and write a drabble explaining why he wrote it.
> 
> Follow me on tumblr for more nonsense: [SunflowerSupremes](https://sunflowersupremes.tumblr.com/).


End file.
